the-witch-daddy:

I’m tired of smut just being porn star worthy, professional, distant fucking

give me fic smut where the characters are new and awkward and ‘oh my god am I doing this right?’ and ‘no, oh my fuck you don’t put it there’

give me fic smut where the characters are crying but not like 'that’s good dick’ crying or 'shit that hurts’ crying but rather 'oh my god I love this person more than life and we’re so close right now’ crying, gimme some of that full out bawling

give me fic smut where it’s all a joke and they’re doing anything they can to purposefully kill the mood just to make the other one laugh

give me fic smut where they’re trying things out and maybe things don’t go as planned but they keep going anyway and have a good time

give me fic smut where the characters are literally teasing each other the whole time, but not like sexually teasing but more like insults that are their way of flirting like 'ow you bit my tongue, nice going you clumsy asshole’ and 'fuck you, I made you spaghetti and this is the thanks I get?’

give me fic smut where they laugh, be it because one of them did something funny/embarrassing or because they’re just happy????

like can people in smut fics be more than attracted to each other and not just sex machines with their only priority being fucking???

cipollakate:

nickthepigeon:

stealing-your-wife:

espeoradar:

samarajournal:

paulichu:

adriofthedead:

zzdigital:

What if someone got bitten by a vampire, but didn’t realize it. So then they go around and keep misidentifying all the symptoms, like

“Dude, you haven’t gone outside in a while.”
“Yeah, last time I went out I got this wicked sunburn.”

“Are you still up?”
“Yeah, I started bing watching this show on Netflix.”

“Dude, I’m seriously craving something right now.”
“Like what?”
“I dunno. Pizza rolls?”

“Why is it that you never come into my house unless I invite you?”
“Um, it’s called ‘being polite’…?”

“I tried cooking with garlic the other night and got this serious burn on my hand. I think I’m allergic, but all I’m getting on Google is vampire bullshit.”

“Dude can a mirror like… stop working or something?”

“Dude, why do you keep posting pictures of the floor?”
“…Those are meant to be selfies, I guess my camera must be broken.”

“Dude, I am all for you expressing your religious beliefs, but could you not wear your crucifix when I’m around? It really bugs me for some reason.”

“Have you ever noticed how cute bats are? like really noticed? sweet lil balls of fluff with wings man.”

“I want to sleep in a coffin…ya kno, for like… aesthetic”

“What’s with your thing about necks lately?”

“MUST YOU KINKSHAME ME IN MY OWN HOME”

5000letters:

but it really is so important to find people who don’t lose patience with you or get angry if you’re being irrational or insecure or downright ridiculous, it is so so necessary to be treated with gentleness from loved ones and not to be made to feel like you’re irritating or a burden

sacheland:

Me when reading super weird shit :

but keep on reading anyway because I’m not a quitter